There and Back Again by Anca I.

“ — So…. you’re lonely, you’re going back to your lonely house, it’s so sad, right? Your body feels heavy like a boulder washed by rain and this boulder has a throat filled in with smaller stones. Heavy heart, heavy mind. Just feeling helpless and desperate. Hey remember this thing which used to be part of happier times? Brings back such painful memories ugh just stirring the knife even deeper into the heart. Yes, so dramatic, it’s almost like the end of the world but yeah …so what to do with this sadness now? Drowning in it sounds like a great idea. Maybe don’t get out of bed…scroll endlessly on social media and just cry it out for God’s sake. Cry little girl, cry as long as you want. Remember the better times which are now not good at all. Everything is shitty and will be shitty. Life is pain and whatnot. What will you do with it? Remember that horrible quote from One Tree Hill, People always leave? Yeah, so they do, get used to it. Even the ones currently in your life will… you have to think about that, they’ll be gone one day, in a few years. They won’t be the first or the last. So sad and terrifying, just PICTURE IT! And you’ll be lonely and sad. Did I mention lonely? Again…what are you going to do now? What does it matter anyway…

- Ok, I’m gonna have to stop you right there. I’m The Protector of Light and I do not allow such things to be spoken. Not now. Just crawl back to your place and stay there. Don’t you see how ridiculous you are? Don’t you see there are no regrets here? How dare you?

- Yes, but the sadness, the memories, the possibilities, and let’s not forget the REGRETS which you say don’t exist

- Hey hey! What did I just say? We’re not going to let this stream poison the calm sea, as calm as it is, surely… You are nothing but a petty thought and there’s little room for you here. You are not welcome.

-(evil laugh) Do you think it’s so easy to let me go away? Do you think I’ll just ‘leave and never come back? It’s not so easy, you fool. I’m hungry, I need to feed on something.

-I think you should chew on your own raw edges, you have plentiful. No, I don’t want you gone. I want you to become small, insignificant, not able to do harm. Yes, for sure you’ll still exist, but at our own conditions.

-Our own?

-Yes, our own. So here’s the thing — each time you attempt something hurtful, bringing back any past, any memory, any remorse, and sad and treacherous piece of imagination, we’re going to blind you so badly until you learn not to show up here so often anymore.

-You can’t do that! I HAVE THE POWER!

-You silly. You have no idea how small that power is. Just watch.

-Now….we shall think about small things we can do today. Folding clothes? Let’s do it. Riding the bike, going out for a run, increasing a bit the endorphins of this vessel? Sure. What else?

-It’s also ok to cry, if that’s what you feel like. But not for long — as you see it’s draining your energy. And we need that energy to rebuild, ok? We need it to eat, sleep properly, not get sick. Seems probably dumb, but it’s how it works and you know it very well, you’re a smart girl.

Also — as much as I am Protector of the Light, I shall not be destroyer of the darkness. Not because I don’t want to, but I cannot.

There will always be less illuminated thoughts and feelings. But if we protect the light casting these shadows….we will have a good chance at being slightly better than before. So… what say you? Give me your hand and let’s work together. I’m your ally.

-Ok. Let’s do it.

-You are so very brave!”

Humour is also a good coping mechanism, but should not be the only one

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Art, sustainability, biking, travelling enthusiast. I write for and with pleasure. I think life’s just a perspective. You read my name as *you’re the keskoo*.

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Anca Iordăchescu

Anca Iordăchescu

Art, sustainability, biking, travelling enthusiast. I write for and with pleasure. I think life’s just a perspective. You read my name as *you’re the keskoo*.