Would you still call me ”beautiful” if I refused you?
Probably not. You’d call me ugly, stupid, not knowing what I lose, naïve, silly, a cunt. Actually, you did. Because I dared to say ”No” to you, and not give you the second chance, or not even the first. :)
See, you only call me ”beautiful” as a means to get what you want. You do not feel it, or think it (necessarily). I am not a beautiful woman, compared to a “standard” society has defined, let’s say, but I am also aware I have my own charm and charisma, I’m fine with this, I don’t need to be like that. So I know what you intend to do when you use the “beautiful” strategy.
It is my right to refuse you, as it is yours to walk away and never look back. It did not work out. Why can’t we get over it without hurting each other’s feelings? Well … because rejection hurts more than Jon Snow dying at the end of Season 5 in Game of Thrones, I guess. It affects your ego. Our ego to be “accepted”, to “belong” somewhere, with someone. It’s not enough that we strive to fit into our families, our friends circle, our work place, society in general, because we don’t want to be excluded, now we also have to fit in the romantic world, and fill in a certain pattern?! What are we, humans or things required to score high grades on an irrelevant scale? Do you realize how many freaking patterns, types, wishes, fantasies are in this world? There’s no way we can work out everyone’s dreams.
The only things left for us to do are trial and failure. And failure is a lesson you can get better at. Picture this in a golden frame “succeeded at learning how to fail graciously”, and not miserably, by not being capable, mentally or emotionally, to accept I rejected you. Maybe I had a negative hunch, a bad vibe about you, and wanted to prove it to myself. When I refused you, no matter on what grounds, you became violent, and revealed your “manly”, “supposedly superior” nature. It’s not even about me rejecting you here, but your reaction to it. How dare I? :)
Suddenly, I lose the pretended beauty you awarded me, and by making those rude comments you try to make me feel inadequate because I simply do not want anything with you. And sometimes that hasn’t got anything to do with you, and it is connected to my history, my experiences, fears, and likes. Nonetheless, you take it as an offence. Well, dear, rejection is not offensive. (and I hope we can all understand we’re talking about a polite turn-down) Rejection is just another fact happening in our dull lives. We shouldn’t tie our self-worth to “rejection”, because they’re totally divergent. There was a time in my past when it hurt me, and I felt like Cersei Lannister walking naked through the crowd, while the nuns vigorously preached “shame”. Instead of the nuns, it was you and your insults. Not anymore. I learnt to love myself, and so should you.
Somehow, I understand your violent response and unjustified anger, rooting from insecurity, a low self-esteem, and a shaky confidence. Although I can see where you’re coming from, that’s not an excuse for your asshole behaviour. Please respect my decision. It’s not meant to be. Life is a quest, and then a choice. As we have many choices, mine was not with you, so why does it matter so much when you have plenty of others anyway? And you’ll find someone suitable, and I’ll find too. Maybe get rid of the quick temper and try to be at peace with yourself. It’s a bit of a long way, and it also took me a while.
Whenever I think about rejection, I remember how kids learn new things, they don’t know what fear is (unless it’s induced by adults), so they just try, tirelessly, curiously. And if they get refused or fail, well… they don’t care as much as we do. We attach too much weight to our experiences and fears, and that’s why when there’s the danger of not being accepted, of yet again a failure, it all comes back to us. And the anchor is heavy, my friend. In a way, it’s normal, our life is a pile-up of occurrences, so they come up at some point, but it’s heavy if we let it. :)
Perhaps it is better to approach romance in the 21st century with a child-like attitude: curious, peaceful, no remorse or grudge, no pain attached. Being rejected is anyway better than not trying. It means you’re out there, you exposed yourself and you are willing step forward, heck, even that you asked.
And if it’s not meant to be, please accept that respectfully, and hopefully we’ll both make better choices next time.